I have been quite disciplined with my eating for some months, and dropped some weight.
But, in recent weeks, have failed somewhat.
So, to kick start myself back to good habits, I decided to do a detox programme I saw advertised.
The lady who promotes this and who kindly delivered my meals for the forseable future is indeed an advert for her product. Fabulously fit and toned. Arrived in skimpy shorts. Get inside I had to say to my lovely man.
Aren’t you cold I asked her, dressed like a polar bear myself. No, I’m just back from the gym she announced.
Of course. Also, I think she’s British. They don’t feel the cold do they?
You might get a slight headache as you are not allowed caffeine she announced.
Oh, I’m not worried, I told her, I’m not a big coffee or wine drinker. It’s quite nice, the fantasy in my head, I make the rules.
So, I diligently downed the first green smoothie thing and my lovely man observed my face and enquired if I was actually paying money to be this miserable.
One of the drinks seemed to be tomatoes and tabasco. I thought it might actually kill me.
How are you feeling my lovely man asked me in the morning. (After day one).
Well, I said, my weight is down, but I think I have a brain tumour and need you to take me to the hospital please.
Aaah, he said, you have a headache, should I bring you a coffee rather?
What I have learnt from this exercise :
I am not brave when in pain.
I would rather never eat again than face that tabasco smoothie.
I can, quite surprisingly, manage without wine, but am, it seems addicted to coffee.
You had me giggling whilst drinking my coffee in bed!
Can’t not have coffee, as it turns out!