Brace yourself…

I’ve long admired nice teeth.

There’s not much I covet, but if you have nice teeth, I want them.

My parents tried to straighten my little dracula teeth when I was a child, but I didn’t fancy wearing a brace and after losing or breaking two sets, I didn’t get another chance.

As a young adult my mouth met with a pole while riding a horse, and a dentist replaced the now cracked and missing front four with crowns and I had relatively straight teeth for the first time.

Another dentist on a dating site made the mistake of pointing out all the faults in my profile picture smile and then asked me out. A hard pass. Maybe should have humoured him and got everything fixed up. Didn’t think of it at the time. Twit. Him and I.

Anyhoo.. I got into a discussion with a dentist recently re improvements and he suggested we look into things. We need a few X Rays and scans he advised.

This was an understatement. X rays, scans, 2D scans, 3D scans. On and on.

What was that last one I made the mistake of asking.

Oh, that was for your inner most thoughts and the state of your soul.

Fair enough. Seems legit. There is talk of a rapture.

If you think your teeth are in relatively good shape, don’t let anyone show you a 3D scan of your mouth.

Unfortunately, they advised with glee, apart from the obvious issues (wot?), your bite is crushing your teeth and it’s just a matter of time before everything cracks up.

Are you saying I have a nasty bite, I asked.

Well yes, and your bark is quite something too.

So now… There is a whole plan involving a series of specialists to fix me up proper.

And I have joined the ranks of adult brace wearers. Clear aligners they call them.

I’m looking for a support group.

I also have to have receding gum treatment, which involves, just to make you shudder in horror and throw up a bit in your mouth, taking tissue from my palate to build up my gums.

I did ask if there was an option to use someone else’s palate.

They have, I noticed, written quite a bit in my file already…

Things like :

NOT BRAVE (Sedate as much as possible)

I suspect this may also be to stop me asking questions and giving opinions.