What’s your pleasure?

I went for a massage recently. It was such a great massage that I forgot how to put on my bra, how to make payment and how to drive.

After I had successfully executed a 32 point turn to get out of the parking, and gathered my faculties somewhat, I decided I needed to change my life to maintain this happy state of fugue.

Dismissing a cocaine habit for economic reasons, I’ve decided to change the spare room into what I shall call ‘The Pleasure Parlour’

Which I will equip accordingly.

We do, in fact, already have a Thumper machine. If you do not have one and are therefore  deprived of a daily thump, shame for you.

Look it up, it’s a Canadian massage machine. There is no other like it. I don’t know much about Canadians, but this they do well.

I used to have a vibrating machine. A big one. For some reason, when I tried to describe it to others, hilarity ensued. It guaranteed weight loss and toning, but really it just loosened your fillings a bit. Not in a good way.

So, I have started to plot out my Pleasure Parlour. I became a bit worried that the name may raise some expectations, so I thought I’d throw some exercise equipment in too.

So, now I will call it the ‘Pain and Pleasure Parlour’

Because that’s much better and not fifty shades of anything.