Black Friday. Are we loving it or not?
Somebody save me
We went for a walk on the beach in Beira. You have to plan this around low tide in Beira. The beach is, sadly, not the cleanest, and requires the pulling in of all that rubbish by the backwash. (Yes, Gretha would actually just fall down in a weeping mess if she ever visited here). Secondly, the beach slopes, and unless you have two severely different leg lengths, it’s terribly uncomfortable to walk for any distance.
And then, of course, if low tide occurs during the heat of the day, any idea of going for a stroll should be immediately discarded.
We managed to venture out at the relatively reasonable hour of 8am. (We actually should only have gone at 08h30… but my lovely man likes to be early for everything). Being early for anything in Mozambique is actually not a good idea, because you usually find yourself alone in your punctuality.
I digress…
On a Sunday, there are usually Church services (and soccer games), happening on the beach. In amongst the debris from the Saturday night party of course. Alcohol is not allowed on Mozambique beaches, but this law is not ever evident from the broken bottles to be found at any given time.
I digress…
Oh look, my lovely man announced, they are baptizing someone. And indeed, there was much shouting and singing and what appeared to be the public drowning of some poor woman.
Baptism in the Beira sea shallows is not for sissies. However, it appears that the banishing of any demons is guaranteed. Standing on the beach observing, we too felt cleansed of our sins. The woman being blessed was not, it appeared, given much time to catch a breath of air between her repeated dunks. There was a LOT to be said about the matter it was obvious, and all of it to the rhythm of repeatedly pushing her under, pulling her out, pushing her under.
The crowd sang on encouragingly. She must have been thinking ‘Just as well I’m being baptized, because the end is nigh.’ Like now.
It this what water boarding is like I asked my lovely man.
It looked to be over… but actually.. a close friend was just removing her…. to deeper water…
I think we should leave I suggested, before we are asked to be witnesses to a crime scene.
Motherhood, gotta love it
Possibly still an attitude – a year on
I recently applied for new medical cover. The problem with any medical cover, is that you need to apply for it when you don’t need it. So, I thought I would get that sorted now.
They advised me that a mandatory examination is necessary for anyone over 50. Honestly, I said, I’m really healthy and I’m busy, can we skip this?
Apparently not.
Your medical examination is today my lovely man reminded me as I was dressing.
Oh yes, I said, do you think they’ll put me on a treadmill, best I wear a sports bra. Also, do we have an oxygen cannister. Hopefully he won’t notice my gasps and mark me down.
Also, I pondered, do you think I’ll have to strip to my undies? Best I wear a matching set.
Nothing too skimpy my lovely man warned. You don’t want to risk a flap malfunction or nipple-gate.
Solid advice.
Take a wet wipe, he continued, in case you have to wee in a cup.
I’ll take my She Wee I said, that’ll impress them, I won’t even need the facilities.
We had to climb stairs to the doctors rooms, which I thought was deserving of a free pass.
Oh, the receptionist said, I forgot to phone you, he can only see you later.
That cheered me up.
How’s your blood pressure the doctor asked. Normally it’s low, I advised, but I suspect it will be spot on now that I’ve been waiting for you for 45 minutes.
Congratulations said the doctor, you’ve passed with flying colours. I’m signing off that there is nothing wrong with you. I am, however, making a note that you have a bit of an attitude.
Hope your Halloween was fun!
Avoid at all costs
Gotta be love
I am languishing in Beiradise currently while my lovely man holds the fort in Harare.
Darling, he enquired… Alfie is licking his knob a lot and it looks dry and sore. Any ideas on what could help?
Oh no! I cried. My poor little boy pup.
I had many suggestions… None of which would have been appreciated.
I settled on..
Try coconut oil. You may have to apply it a few times a day.
Good grief he moaned. How much longer before you are back?
Who’s your money on?
Fear not
Quite often, when I slog up the stairs to my little house in the clouds (there are 36 stairs), I get a bit apprehensive and am convinced someone is following me.
So, I whip around, heart in my mouth, to defend myself….
But, its only the sound of my thighs rubbing together I’m hearing.
Keep that in your pants here
In Zimbabwe and Mozambique, there are any number of social media sites you can use to ask for help or where to find something.
For whatever reason, Google and Web pages are used far less here. You can find an appropriate group on FB and someone will help you. And then….. Very quickly, they will deliver the goods to you if a deal is struck.
It’s all quite astounding, useful, and often very amusing.
But a query this morning has taken the biscuit.
Unfortunately he has posted anonymously, but no doubt in due course admin will spill the beans and tell at least one friend who it is. That’s keeping a secret isn’t it? One at a time?
Anyway, some bloke from the UK (and we can safely predict it is a bloke, as you will see), claims his side hustle is selling his sperm. (See? He must at least identify as a bloke and produce something he is trading).
Now he is enquiring if he can continue this lucrative career in Zimbabwe.
In Zimbabwe?
He has described himself, as part of his pitch, and is gauging interest before he moves to Zimbabwe. He’s been going at this quite successfully in the UK for a number of years, will be badly missed there, but is clearly prepared to continue sowing his seed to assist Zimbabwe.
The comments….
Some people of very admiring of this side hustle and hadn’t realised its potential. They too are willing and able, so are ‘following’
‘Here in Zimbabwe’ advises another reader, ‘we don’t pay for sperm donation my friend. They just knock you up and run away. We call it mjolo’. She goes on to advise him to look for another job.
Another…. ‘its pretty much given away this side’
Another ‘donating in a cup or in kind…?’
The inevitable…. ‘I’m willing, what maintenance will you pay me?’
Another has offered him 10,000. Zimbabwe dollars
Who knows how this will end? I too am ‘following’ with great interest.