You actually can’t make it up
Yes, I’m Generation X. Y?
I have reached the age of irrelevance. Alarming and somewhat depressing.
I’m in SA. Shopping is necessary. I’m a bit of a gadget lover. Can’t resist a new gadget.
So, pushing my little trolley of already purchased this and that, I entered a gadget shop and asked the fellow if he had stock of what I was looking for.
Is it for your child, or perhaps your grandchild he smirked. Did you bring them?
I looked at this twit… Probably in his mid 40’s…not too long ago I was dating his ilk, probably younger. This one, I would have crushed like a bug.
It’s for me, I announced, I’m more competent than I clearly look. And! I have money to spend.. Which I will be spending elsewhere.
My comment and stalking away may have been more withering if I hadn’t forgotten my trolley behind.
Surely not?
An honest mistake
Did you hear about the below story…..
A fellow didn’t realise his wife had also got out the car to ablute and drove off. For 160km before he realised she was actually NOT sleeping in the back anymore.
She was left, in the dark, in Thailand. With nothing but perhaps damp panties.
I had a husband that did this to me. This was my pre she-wee days. So, there I was, trying to discreetly do my business beside the car. Hoping to not wee on my shoes or be seen by any passer by.
And he drove off. Leaving me fully exposed of course. Funny guy.
Keep the keys is my advice.
We are divorced now.
The Scatterings of Africa
I’m in South Africa for a bit. Why… Well you know… There are family and friends here I miss terribly.
So, I booked myself into a little AirBnB. A number of people offer to put me up when I am here, but I am a terrible guest quite frankly. I need to work, so sometimes I ignore my host; I complain about their WiFi; I ALWAYS want to wash clothes; I ALWAYS want to shower; I absolutely want my own bathroom…. And of course, best they have a solar system see?
I’m only ever invited once.
But, I do a great boozy lunch.
There was a problem, apparently, with the first place I booked. They asked if they could move me.
So, I arrived at the next option and interrogated the lovely hostess re the problem with my first choice.
Well, she said, we are banned as an AirBnB there because some guests had a huge party and trashed the place. Now we have to fix everything and beg the complex for forgiveness.
Well! We bitched for 10 minutes about noisy, inconsiderate people.
I then reminded her that my folks were coming to stay and were bringing their dog.
We LOVE animals she advised me. So…. Another 10 minutes on the arseholes who don’t like animals and those bastards who mistreat them.
We beamed at each other happily.
Then she showed me around my little cabin and then the little cabin for my parents. Delightful.
She went on her way and only then I noticed the scatter cushions. What is it about scatter cushions that sends people bevok? I have had to find a corner to stack the 830 scatter cushions so that I can get at least one bum cheek on the sofa and lay down on my bed.
But, its my new years resolution to be kinder and not judge.
Let me know how I’m doing.
Motherhood, gotta love it
Hope your Halloween was fun!
It’s a fail for you
I was talking to a friend who has applied for something recently and been subjected to some tests.
As she was describing them I said… Oh yes, those are those cognitive tests.
I’m not sure how well I did she said.
Sometimes, I said, I fail those little block tests confirming if you are a robot or not.
Thank you, she said, I feel better.
Take me off your mailing list!
Spam and telemarketing calls…..
Don’t you hate them?
As I write this I realise I am spam. Still, never mind hey?
I once bought something of Brian Tracy’s. He’s a sale guru, and credit to him, he’s brilliant. But…. My word, he doesn’t give up.. Doesn’t matter how many times I unsubscribe, a bit of time passes and I’m back on that mailing list. I’m not even sure the man is alive even, and he’s still trying to sell me something. Like a phoenix from the ashes…. I feel like I have been in a relationship with Brian Tracy for decades.
And unsolicited telemarketing calls! Hate them. Especially those ones that are just a recording yelling at you. Really? What?
Actually it’s a miracle if I answer my phone. I am not fond of receiving phone calls. There is nothing that can’t be voice messaged or texted people!
If someone has died, kindly text me ‘someone has died, can we schedule a call’ and then I’ll send a meeting request see?
If I do miraculously answer the phone and it’s a telemarketer, I try and be kind. Coz really, it’s got to be one of the most demoralising jobs ever. (And I now get telemarketing calls in three countries). But then I tell them I now live in Kazakhstan, that they are paying roaming costs and I don’t have money to feed myself. I ask if they can please send me money, or at least take me off the call list. They do neither.
I also interrogate them on their success rate. Because honestly, does it work?
This relationship is over
My brother actually has hair, and at one stage kept his hair very long.
My sister-in-law met him at this long haired stage, so she’s obviously a keeper.
He now chooses to keep his hair very short and diligently shaves it himself once a week with some fancy clippers he has.
He offered to get my lovely man same fancy clipper, but my lovely man quite enjoys being pampered by the cuties that come around periodically in Beira and Harare to groom us.
Not to be confused with the groomers that come around periodically to clip my Bella and Alfie.
Prior to my brother getting his fancy clippers, and possibly the reason for him getting the fancy clippers…. He was somewhere (his lovely wife in tow), getting a haircut.
The fellow apparently asked him if he would like his ear hair taken care of (yes, he is also at that age). Unwittingly, my brother agreed.
Before he knew it, he had wax inserted into his ear canal and an ear bud sticking out of each ear.
My sister-in-law’s only regret was not having a camera.
At this point, my brother thought this was his biggest problem. Not so, that stuff was then pulled out.
Spontaneous tears.
Would you like me, the fellow asked, to do your nose hairs?
This relationship, my brother replied, ends here.