Tag: OhSoRosie.com

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That’s not what we want to hear

Take a Lot, bless them, are relentless in their quest to get reviews on products you order from them.

I am seldom lost for words, but I do struggle to express an opinion when posed with questions like ‘how did you FIND the cotton wool cosmetic pads you recently purchased?’

So, I have fretted about my lack of feedback to them when they are so dogged in getting my valuable input.

I suspect my lovely man feels the same about Google Maps enquiring about his experiences. There is seldom a link my lovely man is scared to follow.

I did notice, however, they have slowed down the requests for his feedback since his last few replies of ‘shit’ and ‘noisy’.

Anyway, I was recently delighted to be able to review a product from Take a Lot.

I advised them that a box of six garden solar lights I purchased were missing the spikes to help you embed them in the soil and that one light was a dud and doesn’t work at all.

My review was rejected and I was told, in simple words so that I could do better next time, that they were looking to find out what my product experience was please.

Duh.

Silly me.

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I too am geographically challenged

If you live and work in Mozambique or Zimbabwe, you will, undoubtedly, hate your internet service provider.

So, it was with great excitement we heard that good old Elon Musk was offering Starlink satellite connections. Speed unknown to us in these parts at a reasonable price.

I immediately investigated and my research showed that it was best to order directly through the app. I have ordered one in each country. Starlink, it seems, are still trying to find Zimbabwe, so they have taken my $9.99 deposit and will advise further.

We can only imagine that they are having to negotiate through Dubai just who will benefit from any transaction before it’s actually allowed.

But! The app advised me that they can deliver the kit to Mozambique, and I must pay NOW. So, I gave them all my credit card details.

You know, as you do, on any old playstore app.

The very next day a delightful lady from the bank fraud department phoned to verify it was me and that I was sure.

They phone of course, without any warning. (I like a message two days in advance requesting permission that anyone phone me, so that I can mentally prepare). And then they ask you to pass security checks when your brain is just not in the game.

I amazingly convinced her that it was me. She was very pleasant and patient.

And then she says…. do you want us to allow this payment you wish to make to Mexico.

Mexico? I am trying to pay Elon Musk for a satellite kit I explained, is he in Mexico? Has he bought Mexico?

Oh, she says, Mozambique. Not Mexico.

Who knows really.

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Home remedies

I had my tonsils out as a child.

I went to a doctor in my 40’s for something minor and told her this. Oh, she said, you have tonsils. Sometimes they grow back.

What the actual…

In recent weeks, I have had a sore throat. It’s my bloody reborn tonsils I thought. Was there a warranty on that op when I was six I pondered.

Not being bright enough to consult an actual medically trained professional, I turned to Google. Which informed me that gargling with diluted apple cider vinegar kills throat bacteria.

Anyway, I’m delighted to report my throat is no longer sore. Hopefully it dissolved my unwanted tonsils completely.

However, it also seems to have removed the enamel on my teeth. Sigh… Does enamel grow back?

Don’t try this at home.

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Cooking with gas

We’ve been invited to go on a houseboat for a few days.

Lucky hey?

Not so lucky is my recent gas problem.

I may find myself being thrown to the crocs.

I blame the detox I attempted. Downing 500ml of neat tabasco can play havoc with the guts.

Not recommended.

My lovely man has, so far, made no comment. Bless him. Isn’t he a treasure? He is hard of hearing thank goodness. Hopefully he also has a severe cold.

He has mentioned a few times how pleasant the (sunny) spare room looks at this time of the year. In this fridge of a house.

I’m not sure if there is a connection or if I’m invited.

I wouldn’t invite me. Lethal.

I am starting to suspect that I’ve actually died and my brain is just taking a while to catch up.

Because, you know, there are emails to answer.

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Travelling light

Is it just me, or has travel become a pain? 

Because this is Africa, the rules are a moving target that are never quite fully disclosed. Sometimes your vaccination 💉 certificate is required, often not. Sometimes there is an interrogation around how many booster jabs have been had and how long ago. Mostly, nobody cares. 

Also, because this is Africa, there is someone having a beer 🍻 at the airport. 6:30am. We don’t judge. 

One thing that irks me with air travel, is the request to remove your shoes. I always forget this and wear difficult to remove shoes. 

I have also had to surrender my tweezers at the scanner.

I will be boasting a uni brow in a few days.

Another irksome thing is the different baggage allowance based on destination. These, presumably, are based on union negotiations as to how much weight the baggage handler is prepared to lift. But as a result, one must plan around the lowest weight allowed on a staggered trip. 

I can tell you for nothing that Cape Town need to gym it up. 

Why would they not rather give you a total allowance and then a max per bag? To standardise worldwide? 

Who knows? 

I am, of recent, bucking the system and hoping no one weighs my hand luggage.

Because I have to carry my office with me when I travel, and I REALLY like working with multiple screens, I invested in some portable screens. 

They are great, but not light. 

My laptop bag weighs more than my suitcase. 

If a plane I’m on goes down and they can’t figure out why, you can enlighten them. I am, far from light.

I know you have to carry your office with you when you travel darling, but I observe that I am the one actually hauling this bag around, my lovely man mentioned.

Yes darling, make sure you don’t indicate how heavy it actually is, or they may arrest you.

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Yes, I’m Generation X. Y?

I have reached the age of irrelevance. Alarming and somewhat depressing.

I’m in SA. Shopping is necessary. I’m a bit of a gadget lover. Can’t resist a new gadget.

So, pushing my little trolley of already purchased this and that, I entered a gadget shop and asked the fellow if he had stock of what I was looking for.

Is it for your child, or perhaps your grandchild he smirked. Did you bring them?

I looked at this twit… Probably in his mid 40’s…not too long ago I was dating his ilk, probably younger. This one, I would have crushed like a bug.

It’s for me, I announced, I’m more competent than I clearly look. And! I have money to spend.. Which I will be spending elsewhere.

My comment and stalking away may have been more withering if I hadn’t forgotten my trolley behind.

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An honest mistake

Did you hear about the below story…..

A fellow didn’t realise his wife had also got out the car to ablute and drove off. For 160km before he realised she was actually NOT sleeping in the back anymore.

She was left, in the dark, in Thailand. With nothing but perhaps damp panties.

http://702.co.za/articles/463400/til-abonnement-do-us-part-man-drives-off-without-wife-thinks-she-s-in-the-car

I had a husband that did this to me. This was my pre she-wee days. So, there I was, trying to discreetly do my business beside the car. Hoping to not wee on my shoes or be seen by any passer by.

And he drove off. Leaving me fully exposed of course. Funny guy.

Keep the keys is my advice.

We are divorced now.

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The Scatterings of Africa

I’m in South Africa for a bit. Why… Well you know… There are family and friends here I miss terribly.

So, I booked myself into a little AirBnB. A number of people offer to put me up when I am here, but I am a terrible guest quite frankly. I need to work, so sometimes I ignore my host; I complain about their WiFi; I ALWAYS want to wash clothes; I ALWAYS want to shower; I absolutely want my own bathroom…. And of course, best they have a solar system see?

I’m only ever invited once.

But, I do a great boozy lunch.

There was a problem, apparently, with the first place I booked. They asked if they could move me.

So, I arrived at the next option and interrogated the lovely hostess re the problem with my first choice.

Well, she said, we are banned as an AirBnB there because some guests had a huge party and trashed the place. Now we have to fix everything and beg the complex for forgiveness.

Well! We bitched for 10 minutes about noisy, inconsiderate people.

I then reminded her that my folks were coming to stay and were bringing their dog.

We LOVE animals she advised me. So…. Another 10 minutes on the arseholes who don’t like animals and those bastards who mistreat them.

We beamed at each other happily.

Then she showed me around my little cabin and then the little cabin for my parents. Delightful.

She went on her way and only then I noticed the scatter cushions. What is it about scatter cushions that sends people bevok? I have had to find a corner to stack the 830 scatter cushions so that I can get at least one bum cheek on the sofa and lay down on my bed.

But, its my new years resolution to be kinder and not judge.

Let me know how I’m doing.

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It’s a fail for you

I was talking to a friend who has applied for something recently and been subjected to some tests.

As she was describing them I said… Oh yes, those are those cognitive tests.

I’m not sure how well I did she said.

Sometimes, I said, I fail those little block tests confirming if you are a robot or not.

Thank you, she said, I feel better.

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Yes, yes, of course there’s room

In Zimbabwe a common request when anyone is looking to purchase a vehicle is for a ‘fuel saver’. The type of vehicle required is unspecified, it must just run on the sniff of an oil rag.

With, of course, the exception of government officials. They require a ‘gas guzzler’.

Zimbabwe is a horrendously expensive place. So, it’s natural that saving costs is a concern.

As a result, the most popular form of public transport taxi is a Honda Fit. A Honda Fit is not a big car, its a 5 seater. Clearly its been tried and tested as reliable and a fuel saver.

It’s necessary, it appears, to tint the windows of your illegal taxi. Presumably to make it more difficult to count how many people are squeezed in. 10 to 12 is pretty average. It’s not clear if the very little boot has the luggage, or more people.

I am particularly delighted when there is a passenger standing on the running board and holding on to the roof, because they just couldn’t quite get one more inside, but a long distance lift was required.

I’m unsure how the insurance works in these scenarios. Or if the guy hanging on gets a discount on the fare.

I will be stopped at a road block because ‘it appears your reflector sticker may start to peel slightly soon’. This as a Honda Fit rolls by with a spanner as a steering wheel and 44 people crammed inside.

I had a Honda once and remember that it was quite expensive to service. Obviously I was doing it wrong. You know, with genuine parts and a registered mechanic.

Your mate next door can do wonders with cable ties, sticky tape and whatever is lying around. Very economical.