Posts

Posted on

What’s in a name?

There is a company called Truegrid that, for some reason, comes up on my social media feed occasionally. Who knows how these algorithms work.

I don’t know what the company does, but every time it comes up, I read it as Turgid and have a little juvenile giggle.

I know. Not admirable. Perhaps I’m dyslexic. Clearly I’m immature.

And, I am not in a position to judge a name because I named the consulting company I opened once as Acumen Online.

I ran this by a friend (not seriously though, I’d already made up my mind), and he gently said..

‘Don’t you think that is a bit of a mouthful? And does everyone know the word Acumen? And… are you sure you have it?’

Anyway, he was ignored and I ploughed on (as is my way). You don’t need any acumen to be stubborn.

And, it hasn’t been easy.

Acumen is NOT a well known word. Go figure? And then I chose to operate in Mozambique and they were like wot?

I can’t tell you the pain of explaining ROSEMARY as my first name (we all had to settle on Rosa Maria), then POTGIETER as my surname (at the time it was the surname on my passport and therefore the surname in Mozambique), To be honest, I never really got my tongue around Potgieter even. And then (good Lord), my company name as Acumen Online.

A whole lot of people just couldn’t. I barely could.

This year, I’m going to try and take advice.

Posted on

Thank you, I know

I share my Google location with a few friends and family. This seems a smart thing to do if you drive long distances.

There is something very comforting having people who care for you track your progress.

But I have one friend…. Bless him. Love him. There’s always one…

This friend thoughtfully sends me screen shots of where I am the whole journey. Coz, you know, to make sure I know.

And, of course, using up my limited data the whole journey. Screenshot after screenshot of my location. Where I actually am.

Love him. Grateful for the thoughtfulness.

This same friend travels a bit himself. And when he does, he likes to send me a photograph of his view. Repeatedly. The same view. Day after day.

It’s like I’ve been to all these places. I know them intimately. Well, the view at least.

Posted on

What do you mean it’s discontinued?

Do you have a favourite product that is now discontinued? Do you also sort of feel insulted that you weren’t consulted considering your years of loyalty?

This past year I settled on a lipstick colour. I’m not sure if it’s an age thing and I am always admiring of people who match their lipstick with their outfits, nails and the like. But me, I finally decided that a particular colour was all that I needed.

Maybelline Stayfast 725 since you insist on knowing.

When I was a teenager and experimenting with make up I once put on some bright red lipstick. ‘You shouldn’t wear red lipstick a friend immediately told me, your mouth is too big, you look like a whore’

So, there you go, what are friends for if not their honesty?

It has, however, taken me this long to settle on a colour.

So, getting some more 725s was on my list of purchases to make in SA. (I am a list girl, there is ALWAYS a list). Ask my lovely man, there is always a list for him too.

Finding some 725s proved more difficult than anticipated. Eventually some sweet girl at Clicks told me that it had been discontinued (devastating), but she would look in the old stock and find what she could for me.

I explained my plight and that THIS was my colour and why I couldn’t wear dark colours. She was amazingly empathetic to my story and reinforced it by saying ‘and an OLD whore now, that wouldn’t be good’

Bless her.

She found me 4 725s. I was so grateful. And then she said…

Do you think these will last you your lifetime?

Honestly, employee of the month.

Posted on

Yes, I’m Generation X. Y?

I have reached the age of irrelevance. Alarming and somewhat depressing.

I’m in SA. Shopping is necessary. I’m a bit of a gadget lover. Can’t resist a new gadget.

So, pushing my little trolley of already purchased this and that, I entered a gadget shop and asked the fellow if he had stock of what I was looking for.

Is it for your child, or perhaps your grandchild he smirked. Did you bring them?

I looked at this twit… Probably in his mid 40’s…not too long ago I was dating his ilk, probably younger. This one, I would have crushed like a bug.

It’s for me, I announced, I’m more competent than I clearly look. And! I have money to spend.. Which I will be spending elsewhere.

My comment and stalking away may have been more withering if I hadn’t forgotten my trolley behind.

Posted on

You do go on a bit…

I have a friend who can be a nag.

Look in the mirror I hear you think.

Still, this guy is something else. If he gets an idea in his head, it becomes fixed… and good Lord he can go on about it.

One of the awesome things in Mozambique is the bread. Particularly the bread rolls. Pão (along with vinho), is one of the few Portuguese words I have learnt. Survival I call it.

The bread is not made with preservatives, so it doesn’t last too long. It doesn’t need to, it’s necessary to eat it immediately. It’s not at all good for you of course, but who cares!

At one point I planned to go on a road trip with a friend (not the nagger), and stay at a coastal resort in central Mozambique. My nagger friend is full of advice. One of his pearls was that under no circumstances should we eat bread as padkos along the route. (Everywhere you go in Mozambique takes an age because the roads are mostly dreadful and there are many police stops along the way asking for refresco). Padkos is necessary.

Eating bread along the way will make you apathetic he implored, you need to eat stuff like nuts and fruit and drink lots of water. You need to stay alert, it’s a long way and the roads are so bad.

I relayed this input to my travel buddy and she immediately objected. But Rosie, she said, you make the most awesome rolls, I was looking forward to our padkos. This is true. I have few (zero), culinary skills, but I do make a good sandwich.

I know, I said, we just mustn’t tell him.

What if he comes to check before we leave she wailed. I know I said, there is a good chance of this, we will have to hide the rolls and show him the bloody nuts and shit.

The other irritating thing this dear friend does is call me constantly. Mainly because he knows I hate it. So, it did not end when we managed to leave and get on the road, our bread rolls safely on board, he phoned constantly to check how we were doing and what we were eating.

The other thing you need if you ever travel in Mozambique, is a strong bladder. This was prior to my she-wee days. I’m not really sure a she-wee is something one can share with a friend? Any input on this matter is appreciated.

Anyway, we didn’t have the benefit of even considering a she-wee to share and it became a crisis.

We knew of a place, you may know it…. Buffalo Lodge…. a great place to stop for coffee and a well deserved ablute.

We were desperate… desperate…. finding Buffalo Lodge was critical.

My friend phoned (again)…. how’s it going, what are you eating…..?

For the love of…..

I saw the sign to turn off and yelled and pointed Buffalo, Buffalo! If we had missed the turning it would have been the end of any dignity we were barely hanging onto.

Buffalo… I heard him say in the distance as I threw my phone down… well, I suppose that’s good, but buffalo?

Posted on

An honest mistake

Did you hear about the below story…..

A fellow didn’t realise his wife had also got out the car to ablute and drove off. For 160km before he realised she was actually NOT sleeping in the back anymore.

She was left, in the dark, in Thailand. With nothing but perhaps damp panties.

http://702.co.za/articles/463400/til-abonnement-do-us-part-man-drives-off-without-wife-thinks-she-s-in-the-car

I had a husband that did this to me. This was my pre she-wee days. So, there I was, trying to discreetly do my business beside the car. Hoping to not wee on my shoes or be seen by any passer by.

And he drove off. Leaving me fully exposed of course. Funny guy.

Keep the keys is my advice.

We are divorced now.

Posted on

The Scatterings of Africa

I’m in South Africa for a bit. Why… Well you know… There are family and friends here I miss terribly.

So, I booked myself into a little AirBnB. A number of people offer to put me up when I am here, but I am a terrible guest quite frankly. I need to work, so sometimes I ignore my host; I complain about their WiFi; I ALWAYS want to wash clothes; I ALWAYS want to shower; I absolutely want my own bathroom…. And of course, best they have a solar system see?

I’m only ever invited once.

But, I do a great boozy lunch.

There was a problem, apparently, with the first place I booked. They asked if they could move me.

So, I arrived at the next option and interrogated the lovely hostess re the problem with my first choice.

Well, she said, we are banned as an AirBnB there because some guests had a huge party and trashed the place. Now we have to fix everything and beg the complex for forgiveness.

Well! We bitched for 10 minutes about noisy, inconsiderate people.

I then reminded her that my folks were coming to stay and were bringing their dog.

We LOVE animals she advised me. So…. Another 10 minutes on the arseholes who don’t like animals and those bastards who mistreat them.

We beamed at each other happily.

Then she showed me around my little cabin and then the little cabin for my parents. Delightful.

She went on her way and only then I noticed the scatter cushions. What is it about scatter cushions that sends people bevok? I have had to find a corner to stack the 830 scatter cushions so that I can get at least one bum cheek on the sofa and lay down on my bed.

But, its my new years resolution to be kinder and not judge.

Let me know how I’m doing.

Posted on

Can’t be too careful

In Mozambique, well certainly in Beira, they like to steal parts of your car and sell them back to you.

It’s a very efficient system, you can go to the market, enquire about a recently missing part and buy it back for top dollar.

The solution is to engrave (with some sort of identity number), as much as you can, and pop rivet things here and there.

As with most security, you really just want it to be easier that they steal from someone else.

In a panic, we realised my lovely man’s car was not adequately identified and secured. And, before it could be done, I had to use it to go to the parlour for a wee pedicure.

Unfortunately, at the very pleasant parlour, I have, for some years, been nominated the sadist to attend to my pedicure. Not only is there no sign of rough heels after a session, I am usually limping out on bloody stumps.

As it turns out, she is a very thoughtful sadist. She noticed me peering out the window continually to try and ensure nobody lifted a wing mirror off the car.

She indicated that she was in a better position to watch the car. Then she got everyone else in the salon who wasn’t busy, to watch the car in shifts.

Bless them! I managed to return home with the car intact. Not so much my heels.

My lovely man then had the car attended to. I had to get extra money from the company to pay the guy, he announced, I didn’t have enough. Come and look.

Everything is engraved people. And everything else is pop riveted. I think they only stopped pop riveting because they ran out he advised me.

I suspect the car is 50% heavier and the fuel efficiency halved. But hey, its safe.