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I was talking to a friend who has applied for something recently and been subjected to some tests.
As she was describing them I said… Oh yes, those are those cognitive tests.
I’m not sure how well I did she said.
Sometimes, I said, I fail those little block tests confirming if you are a robot or not.
Thank you, she said, I feel better.
In Zimbabwe and Mozambique, there are any number of social media sites you can use to ask for help or where to find something.
For whatever reason, Google and Web pages are used far less here. You can find an appropriate group on FB and someone will help you. And then….. Very quickly, they will deliver the goods to you if a deal is struck.
It’s all quite astounding, useful, and often very amusing.
But a query this morning has taken the biscuit.
Unfortunately he has posted anonymously, but no doubt in due course admin will spill the beans and tell at least one friend who it is. That’s keeping a secret isn’t it? One at a time?
Anyway, some bloke from the UK (and we can safely predict it is a bloke, as you will see), claims his side hustle is selling his sperm. (See? He must at least identify as a bloke and produce something he is trading).
Now he is enquiring if he can continue this lucrative career in Zimbabwe.
In Zimbabwe?
He has described himself, as part of his pitch, and is gauging interest before he moves to Zimbabwe. He’s been going at this quite successfully in the UK for a number of years, will be badly missed there, but is clearly prepared to continue sowing his seed to assist Zimbabwe.
The comments….
Some people of very admiring of this side hustle and hadn’t realised its potential. They too are willing and able, so are ‘following’
‘Here in Zimbabwe’ advises another reader, ‘we don’t pay for sperm donation my friend. They just knock you up and run away. We call it mjolo’. She goes on to advise him to look for another job.
Another…. ‘its pretty much given away this side’
Another ‘donating in a cup or in kind…?’
The inevitable…. ‘I’m willing, what maintenance will you pay me?’
Another has offered him 10,000. Zimbabwe dollars
Who knows how this will end? I too am ‘following’ with great interest.
Spam and telemarketing calls…..
Don’t you hate them?
As I write this I realise I am spam. Still, never mind hey?
I once bought something of Brian Tracy’s. He’s a sale guru, and credit to him, he’s brilliant. But…. My word, he doesn’t give up.. Doesn’t matter how many times I unsubscribe, a bit of time passes and I’m back on that mailing list. I’m not even sure the man is alive even, and he’s still trying to sell me something. Like a phoenix from the ashes…. I feel like I have been in a relationship with Brian Tracy for decades.
And unsolicited telemarketing calls! Hate them. Especially those ones that are just a recording yelling at you. Really? What?
Actually it’s a miracle if I answer my phone. I am not fond of receiving phone calls. There is nothing that can’t be voice messaged or texted people!
If someone has died, kindly text me ‘someone has died, can we schedule a call’ and then I’ll send a meeting request see?
If I do miraculously answer the phone and it’s a telemarketer, I try and be kind. Coz really, it’s got to be one of the most demoralising jobs ever. (And I now get telemarketing calls in three countries). But then I tell them I now live in Kazakhstan, that they are paying roaming costs and I don’t have money to feed myself. I ask if they can please send me money, or at least take me off the call list. They do neither.
I also interrogate them on their success rate. Because honestly, does it work?
My lovely man doesn’t do queues well. Nicest guy in the world, can get feisty about some things. Traffic and queues really.
My parents are British. I suspect this means I am genetically more pre-disposed to managing queues.
My lovely man’s father was Afrikaans and his mother French Mauritian. Someone’s going to get blixemed with this combination.
I try and determine (on a good day to be honest), if and what control I can take over the situation (throwing money at the problem works in Africa), to improve/speed things up, if the task is absolutely necessary (can I delegate this shit or live without it)….. if nothing can be done and it HAS to get done, best to just relax into it.
A recent example, of course, was the hours/days long queues to pay respect to the Queen. I might not have had the same fortitude, but I was very admiring of those that persevered. And with true Brit Grit, did it with patience and good humour.
There was a bit of unhappiness when it was perceived people were jumping the queue. This, of course, is simply NOT ON. There was that lovely couple that present on ITV (they are very funny). Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield I believe. They have been accused of jumping the queue to pay respect to the Queen, and now a whole lot of people are trying to cancel them. You just can’t really get comfortable about how popular you may be, there will always be a crowd wanting to cancel you for some infraction or the other.
We all need to WOKE up people!
The problem in Africa, and why even the most calm amongst us gets riled, is there is no ORDER. There is chaos both in the traffic and in any queue. We are without rules or respect. We live in a constant state of Black Friday madness in Africa. And there doesn’t even have to be anything on sale, it is just a bun fight, ALL THE TIME.
Honestly, we have to up our cannabis intake or something. The continent would be better off stoned.
In Zimbabwe a common request when anyone is looking to purchase a vehicle is for a ‘fuel saver’. The type of vehicle required is unspecified, it must just run on the sniff of an oil rag.
With, of course, the exception of government officials. They require a ‘gas guzzler’.
Zimbabwe is a horrendously expensive place. So, it’s natural that saving costs is a concern.
As a result, the most popular form of public transport taxi is a Honda Fit. A Honda Fit is not a big car, its a 5 seater. Clearly its been tried and tested as reliable and a fuel saver.
It’s necessary, it appears, to tint the windows of your illegal taxi. Presumably to make it more difficult to count how many people are squeezed in. 10 to 12 is pretty average. It’s not clear if the very little boot has the luggage, or more people.
I am particularly delighted when there is a passenger standing on the running board and holding on to the roof, because they just couldn’t quite get one more inside, but a long distance lift was required.
I’m unsure how the insurance works in these scenarios. Or if the guy hanging on gets a discount on the fare.
I will be stopped at a road block because ‘it appears your reflector sticker may start to peel slightly soon’. This as a Honda Fit rolls by with a spanner as a steering wheel and 44 people crammed inside.
I had a Honda once and remember that it was quite expensive to service. Obviously I was doing it wrong. You know, with genuine parts and a registered mechanic.
Your mate next door can do wonders with cable ties, sticky tape and whatever is lying around. Very economical.
The Nyami Nyami, otherwise known as the Zambezi River God or Zambezi Snake Spirit, is one of the most important gods of the Tonga people. Nyami Nyami is believed to protect the Tonga people and give them sustenance in difficult times. The River God is usually portrayed as male.
There is a belief, that praise should given to Nyami Nyami to ensure good fishing on the Zambezi. And, of course, on Lake Kariba.
Houseboats abound here. A lot of them simply amazing. Lots and lots of good tales re houseboat adventures obviously. Always around drinking, and fishing of course.
Fishing, it appears to me, is as frustrating a pursuit as golf. And can cause much depression.
I was once told a story of a bunch of South African lads enjoying a houseboat holiday. One of them was having no luck catching fish. All around him his mates were hauling them in.
You need to give praise to Nyami, Nyami he was advised by a local. This was scoffed at. The hours, and then days passed…. no luck.
After everyone had retired one evening, and after, daresay, much beer, he was heard yelling out over the waters…. I’m sorry Nyami, Nyami….. please let me catch good fish.
And then… the next day…. he caught a plenty.
Whatever your beliefs, always good to be grateful hey?
Forming habits are hard. Actually, that’s not true. Bad habits are very easy, it’s the good ones that are hard.
We all pretty much know what we should do don’t we… get enough sleep; don’t drink, or at least don’t drink too much; don’t overeat; stretch; get some exercise; meditate; slow down; manage your stress; get a balance; have friends; love your family if you are lucky enough to have one…. and of course, get an animal (or two) to love and look after!
Doing all of this not so easy. Lots of excuses really. Life is busy!
Of course there is a lot of talk about intermittent fasting. So, I researched it a bit. Bless Google!
How often should one fast I asked. Every day is best I was advised.
Every day? What, until you die? Skinny and gorgeous is good to no-one dead. I did actually read that someone fasted for 100 days and survived. I could probably last longer.
Further research revealed that one should fast for 16 hours each day.
Once again…. what?
But actually, this is possible of course. My lovely man’s doctor (who is fit and healthy – one doesn’t want a fat, unhealthy doctor giving you diet advice really), advised us that cutting out carbs and sugar and eating ONCE a day is the way to go.
Of course fasting for 16 hours of the day means that one only ingests liquid in that time. No caffeine, no calories. Not so much fun liquids like black tea and lemon water are allowed.
So, if one doesn’t eat between the hours of 8pm and 12pm, for instance, that’s 16 hours.
Isn’t that doable?
What my research did not advise, and I can see that I am going to have to figure this out for myself, is how much planning one has to do to eat solidly for the 8 hours you have left.
