Month: October 2025

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Fed up to my back teeth

I have entered that phase of my life, sadly, where a whole lot of work on my teeth is happening.

The Springboks endure their mouth guards for however long a rugby game lasts… Mine are a permanent fixture.

On the positive, I’m eating less, because it’s actually just a pain to eat. At the end of this ordeal, I expect to be a perfect set of gnashers, in a skull.

I have become quite creative about keeping everything now housed in my mouth clean, and have ventured into the world of, not just steradent, but dental tablets. Useful when you have to rinse and brush 15 times a day.

When my online order of dental tablets arrived, (I am not one to darken the door of an actual shop), they arrived with a bag of ‘mouth tapes’.

What have we here I pondered.

Well, for the ignorant, as I was, a mouth tape is something you wear over your mouth at night to ensure that you breath through your nose while you sleep.

All kinds of wondrous benefits to this apparently… Stops snoring, helps you avoid ‘dry mouth’.

So I slapped one over my mouth and went to bed.

Unfortunately, before explaining to my lovely man what was going on.

What’s this new kink he probably thought, and will it hurt?

I had generously decided to try it myself first rather than experimenting on him.

After explaining to him the concept… I watched his face.

I am quite expert at reading his mind.

‘Wonder if I could get her to wear one during the day’, I could see him thinking.

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I’m just messing with you

It is advised, that once a month or so, you clean your dishwasher or washing machine or whatever appliance you can thank for doing the shit stuff and saving you doing it by hand.

I am the early morning tea maker in our household. This involves making the tea/coffee, feeding the near to death starving cats who have barely made it through the night, making my lovely man’s much loved ‘breakfast bowl’ and also putting on a load of washing so that it can finish while we languish in bed for a bit.

Recently, I threw the required detergent that cleans said washing machine into the drum, set it to a programme over 60 degrees C and allowed it to clean itself. This, of course, you do when the machine is empty. Those marketing twits promise you it’s necessary to keep the machine clean.

Our washing machine plays a delightful little jingle when it’s done.

My lovely man, when he is within hearing range of the cheerful little jingle, is programmed to go and empty the machine and put the clothes in the dryer. Bless him.

I am, by now, in my epsom salts bath and I hear the jingle and then hear him heading to the machine to do the necessary. Like Pavlov’s pup. Isn’t he the best?

I wait and listen.

I hear him muttering, imagine him sticking his head into the empty drum, hear him slamming the door and then his determined steps to come and establish just what the hell is going on.

‘Darling, he says, you haven’t actually put any clothes……’

I was very tempted, of course, to say… ‘you must be mistaken, go and look again’

Love him… one day he’s going to murder me in my sleep.

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It’s OK to be juvenile

I am in insurance. I know, I know, not very exciting, but I am grateful for all that it gives me.

I have the most wonderful clients. Who, once again, I am grateful for.

A few of them are in construction, so every now and again I get an enquiry to put cover in place for a construction project.

This, sadly, as with a lot of insurance, requires the poor customer to complete a form.

People hate forms. Have you noticed? There is nothing that ruins a person’s day more than a message saying ‘will you complete and return this form for me please’.

I actually hate forms too. But only if I have to hand write it. Because I am, sadly, incapable of writing anything. I can barely sign my own name.

I advise the customer, when they need cover for their construction, that I have to apply for ‘Contractor’s All Risk’ cover for them, and will they please complete the attached form and return it.

Quite often, this results in them blocking me.

Unfortunately, the form is named “CAR/EAR proposal form”.

So, I wait…. and inevitably, the call comes.

I get that CAR may stand for Contractor’s All Risk, they ask, but what is the EAR, do I need EAR?

Well, I reply, the EAR is for Erection All Risk cover, do you need it? You tell me.

Silence… a giggle….

Even insurance can be fun.