Month: May 2025

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I can’t hear you

Do you have a lady in your car system that tells you how to get to places and also reads your messages out to you?

Isn’t she marvelous?

Ours is Doris… And either she is Scottish and can’t understand my accent, or she thinks I’m Scottish.

After she’s read out my message to me, she very politely asks me..

‘Do you want to reply?’

Then we start…

If she does hear my ‘yes’ and asks me what the message is.. She likes to put her own spin on things in the response.

As a result, my friends, family and associates all think I’m an illiterate half wit.

She is, unfortunately, incapable of hearing the word ‘No’ which I yell out if I don’t want to reply.

‘Do you want to reply to that’

‘No thank you’

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t get that’

‘NO’

‘I’m sorry, do you want to reply to that?’

‘NO‘

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t get that’

‘Oh, stuff off’

OK, it’s sent

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Just ring if you need me

My lovely man did himself an injury. He is back home, after a few days in hospital. Where, truth be told, he was wonderfully looked after and.. surprise, the food was fabulous. I was concerned, at some point, that he may opt to stay in hospital because the food standard exceeds what he gets at home.

But, he chose home, or they instructed him to leave… and for that I am grateful.

He now has some weeks/months of recovery ahead of him and will require help for quite a lot of things. Cue Old Flo Nightingale.

He’s a real toughie my lovely man. Not at all a whinger. High pain threshold. I am the complete opposite. Whinger supreme and I skipped the pain threshold handout queue.

Of course, unless it’s me doing the whinging, it’s not allowed.

There has been much banter between us where he is insisting he is not going to need help , he’ll be OK, (he does need help), and me telling him that he must ask and not over do things or he is going to take longer to heal.

So, back from the hospital I helped him to bed (hospitals are not restful places, what’s with that?)

Just as I was about to emphasise again that he must PLEASE not do anything that he needs help with he said…

“You know what you should bring me… that little brass dinner bell.. then I can just ring it if I need you”

Guess he’s getting the hang of this.

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A little misunderstanding

We had cause, recently, to spend some time in a hospital emergency area. (All is well).

They were very busy.. We had quite a wait.. I may, or may not have got a bit sassy in my negotiations for assistance.

A nurse popped in and said ‘I’m so sorry that your dad is having to wait so long, we are doing the best we can’

My lovely man didn’t hear her, we left the house in a hurry and his ears were not attached. Not a priority at the time.

I didn’t correct her, yaaay for me and my youthful glow and my lovely man was in pain and not looking his best.

Time passed.. I went looking for help.. Again.

When I came back my lovely man said…. ‘A lady just came in and apologized that she thought you were my doctor, why would she think you were my doctor, must be because you are bossing everyone around’

Love him the most.

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Leave me alone, I’m relaxing

What do you do to relax?

When I hear of people tuning into live feeds of wildlife watering holes, or fat bear week, I don’t feel too bad admitting I like to watch ASMR videos.

Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. It’s a thing, I promise.

My lovely man will ask me what I’m doing and I’ve tried to explain… But he don’t get it… So I just say I’m meditating. I’m sure he thinks I’m addicted to porn.

I’ve written a list of things I’d like to do if I ever get to retire. And watching more ASMR is on the list.

I have my favourites that I subscribe to… As you do of course.

Actually it’s something you can experience in real life. For example…. If  you watch people cleaning or dusting… You could experience a very relaxing, tingling sensation.

That’s ASMR.

We have a cleaning lady.. But I am yet to find the courage to ask her if I can sit and stare at her as she’s cleaning the room.

Anyway…. I recently searched for ‘ASMR dusting’ … And came across a gem.

The room that was being cleaned must have been something out of the 1950’s.  Filthy and full of bric a brac.  If someone had asked me to clean it while they videoed me, I would most likely have thrown a match at it and gone home.

But… It was perfect to watch.

She put her marigolds on and got stuck in.

The wooden furniture was so dry, as she sprayed the polish, you could see it sucking the droplets out of the air.

Lampshades that had obviously never been dusted. Marvelous.

And an enormous array of ceramic cocks. Was this a thing in the 50’s? Must have been a special on. Glorious things to watch being dusted.

I’ve just realised I should have used the word rooster.