I too am geographically challenged

If you live and work in Mozambique or Zimbabwe, you will, undoubtedly, hate your internet service provider.

So, it was with great excitement we heard that good old Elon Musk was offering Starlink satellite connections. Speed unknown to us in these parts at a reasonable price.

I immediately investigated and my research showed that it was best to order directly through the app. I have ordered one in each country. Starlink, it seems, are still trying to find Zimbabwe, so they have taken my $9.99 deposit and will advise further.

We can only imagine that they are having to negotiate through Dubai just who will benefit from any transaction before it’s actually allowed.

But! The app advised me that they can deliver the kit to Mozambique, and I must pay NOW. So, I gave them all my credit card details.

You know, as you do, on any old playstore app.

The very next day a delightful lady from the bank fraud department phoned to verify it was me and that I was sure.

They phone of course, without any warning. (I like a message two days in advance requesting permission that anyone phone me, so that I can mentally prepare). And then they ask you to pass security checks when your brain is just not in the game.

I amazingly convinced her that it was me. She was very pleasant and patient.

And then she says…. do you want us to allow this payment you wish to make to Mexico.

Mexico? I am trying to pay Elon Musk for a satellite kit I explained, is he in Mexico? Has he bought Mexico?

Oh, she says, Mozambique. Not Mexico.

Who knows really.

Home remedies

I had my tonsils out as a child.

I went to a doctor in my 40’s for something minor and told her this. Oh, she said, you have tonsils. Sometimes they grow back.

What the actual…

In recent weeks, I have had a sore throat. It’s my bloody reborn tonsils I thought. Was there a warranty on that op when I was six I pondered.

Not being bright enough to consult an actual medically trained professional, I turned to Google. Which informed me that gargling with diluted apple cider vinegar kills throat bacteria.

Anyway, I’m delighted to report my throat is no longer sore. Hopefully it dissolved my unwanted tonsils completely.

However, it also seems to have removed the enamel on my teeth. Sigh… Does enamel grow back?

Don’t try this at home.

Cooking with gas

We’ve been invited to go on a houseboat for a few days.

Lucky hey?

Not so lucky is my recent gas problem.

I may find myself being thrown to the crocs.

I blame the detox I attempted. Downing 500ml of neat tabasco can play havoc with the guts.

Not recommended.

My lovely man has, so far, made no comment. Bless him. Isn’t he a treasure? He is hard of hearing thank goodness. Hopefully he also has a severe cold.

He has mentioned a few times how pleasant the (sunny) spare room looks at this time of the year. In this fridge of a house.

I’m not sure if there is a connection or if I’m invited.

I wouldn’t invite me. Lethal.

I am starting to suspect that I’ve actually died and my brain is just taking a while to catch up.

Because, you know, there are emails to answer.